Authentic Forgiveness

forgiveness

When we can recognize ourselves in others and we can accept that all of creation is connected, we learn the meaning of authentic forgiveness.

Authentic forgiveness is the ability to let go of grievances; criticism, objections, judgements, guilt, blame – and turn those grievances into acceptance.

Accepting that life is sometimes unfair. Accepting that most people are not going to fall under our idea of ‘perfect’. Accepting that everyone is perfectly who they are. Accepting every mistake (yes, even the big ones!) as an opportunity for correction, an opportunity to learn, an opportunity for growth.  Accepting that what might be right for you is not necessarily what is right for the next person. Accepting that things are rarely as they seem. Accepting that what may seem like an injustice may actually come to be a blessing. And finally, accepting that God’s plan for you may be different than what you had planned yourself.

Ego plays a dark role in all our lives. It’s that annoying little voice inside that tells us we are inadequate, that we need to prove ourselves to everyone around us, making us believe that we are somehow better or that we don’t quite measure up to others, leaving us questioning whether we are failures or too good for our own good. Ego’s will is to keep us feeling separate and alone. Ego is our greatest deceiver.

The truth is that we are all sharing this experience together. We all fight the same battles, the only difference is in how our problems and challenges present themselves and how we react to them. Consider this for a moment: All problems stem from separation.

If this is true, authentic forgiveness / connection is the answer to every problem. When authentic forgiveness is achieved all that is left is absolute love and acceptance for all that is.

We will do anything to protect and care for those we feel completely connected to.We will make time for them. We will smile and acknowledge them. We will make sure they are fed, clothed, and loved. We will swallow our pride, let go of our ego and apologize when necessary. We will allow them to make mistakes, even if sometimes we are hurt in the process. When we feel connected, when we let go of judgments, blame, and grievances, we accept. We accept every person. We accept each moment. We accept our circumstances. We love ourselves enough to learn from every person, each circumstance and make change when necessary.

In a world of connection and absolute forgiveness, no one is left behind. Everyone is cared for, fed, and provided for. Everyone is loved and accepted exactly as they are.

All blessings and miracles in the world are visible from this place of absolute truth.

May your day be filled with love and miracles!

 

Keep Calm and Stop The Nonsense

stopBullying has become a hot topic among youth. Everyone’s talking about it, every child has experienced it in one form or another. If they haven’t bullied or been bullied, they’ve certainly witnessed it. As adults we jump to protect our children. We are all over the schools about dealing with any bullying problem our children may experience. But what about Adult Bullying? Why haven’t we talked about that? How come we have yet to open that can of worms? Haven’t we all experienced it in one form or another? I, myself, have experienced the wrath of another; manipulating, lying to be hurtful, the ridiculous rumors. The only thing harder than going through it myself is watching someone I love being treated that way.  I have witnessed marital bullying, workplace bullying, even parental bullying. It’s an issue worthy of discussion.

I’m not a fan of conflict, I run at the first sign of confrontation or aggression. I can’t stand people not getting along. One day, I will share my whole story however, I’m not going to get into my personal experience at this time out of respect for HER privacy – go figure! What I will share is what I’ve learned along this long and bumpy road in the hopes that those of you out there who find yourselves in a similar situation may find some shred of peace or understanding.

How it started and why it started are answers I am all too familiar with. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn’t have been better to walk away and never look back. Unfortunately, I’m too stubborn to give up that easily. Walking away to escape her wrath would have meant walking out on 2 people in my life I love dearly and that wasn’t going to happen. I am as determined as I am stubborn and I was determined to find resolution.

In the beginning I was patient. I honestly believed it would eventually just die off. It didn’t. Throughout the years, it only went briefly into remission every now and again, it never stopped completely. If it wasn’t me being put through the ringer, someone I loved usually was. I sought answers in books, with counselors, through prayer, and in spirituality. I even traveled to study with spiritual leaders hoping someone, somewhere would have an answer. Somebody, somewhere would teach me whatever I needed to know or provide me with whatever healing I needed to take back control over my world. Somebody, somewhere would know the secret to living a peaceful life where madness didn’t exist.  I just needed to find that someone.

What I learned was that the healing had to come from me. I first learned to love myself exactly as I am, all my faults, failures, qualities, and shortcomings. I learned to find the gift in difficult situations and find the light in those who projected darkness. I learned to forgive – turns out there is a ton of helpful information out there about forgiving people in your past, but not so much on forgiving people in your present – that one I had to figure out for myself. What I learned about forgiveness is that forgiveness doesn’t mean to forget. It means to learn from the experience to better be prepared for the future. I learned of the importance of setting and sticking to boundaries. I learned to accept what is. I learned not to waste energy trying to figure out how to change things/people you can’t change. I even learned to send loving thoughts her way (which I do every day), some days are harder than others. I’m not going to lie. Some days sending that love is simply saying “Thanks for experience. I’m a better person for it.”

It’s taken me almost 2 decades to learn the lessons I have, 2 decades of hard core seeking. I was so determined to make that destructive relationship work that I put more time and attention into it than I did any other relationship in my life. Including my relationships with my husband and my children. I wouldn’t advise anyone to do the same.

I was fortunate enough to learn and grow through the experience, some people don’t. What about children who are repeatedly told by one parent they are not loved and cared for by their other parent? How hurtful is that? How is that hurt undone? Is that hurt ever truly reversible? What about the significant other who habitually tells their partner they are unworthy of respect? Is that ever truly reversible? How about the adult siblings who consistently go out of their way to make another sibling feel like they don’t count for anything? Reversible? Adult children who make their parents feel that no one cares? Reversible?  How often do people need to be told they are unworthy of love and respect before they start to believe it themselves? Newsflash! As human beings we are hard enough on ourselves. We don’t need any help from anybody else to feel crappy every now and then.

One of the things I learned that usually helps to ground me when things get particularly bad is the knowledge that how people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel inside. It is not possible for someone to continually make others feel bad unless they feel horrible inside themselves. If someone is repeatedly trying to make you feel worthless, they surely feel truly worthless themselves.

Bullying doesn’t only come pint sized. This is a subject that needs to be addressed, discussed, and squashed.

Letters From Heaven Love Mom xo – Forgiveness

Featuring artwork by The Heart Painter and Nicole Cote

Featuring artwork by The Heart Painter and Nicole Cote

Dearest Love,

Forgiveness is one of life’s most difficult lessons. Unfortunately, it also happens to be a lesson you will probably continue learning throughout your entire life.

I’ve struggled with this lesson for a long time. This is what I’ve learned about forgiveness; forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. It doesn’t even have to be about reconciling. Forgiveness is simply letting go of your hurt, your anger or your resentment toward another. Forgiveness sets you free.

Holding on to bitterness and resentment may eventually result in dis-ease. You owe it to yourself and those you love to forgive. Don’t get discouraged. This lesson takes a lot of practice. Once you get the hang of it, you will feel your soul smile. You have my word.

Keep in mind that sometimes the person you need to forgive is yourself.

You make my soul smile.

Love Mom xo

Tomorrow, June 26th 2013 is the official launch date for Letters From Heaven Love Mom xo, Anyone who orders the book that day from Amazon.com will also receive a list of downloadable gifts offered to you from transformational leaders Shawne Duperon, Teresa Degrosbois, Debra Poneman, Susan Heim, Shayla Logan, Temba Spirit, and Heather Cournoyer. For more information and a list of gifts offered, or to place your order please visit the Letters From Heaven Love Mom xo website.

Thank you so much for sharing in this journey with me. As readers, you are the reason that I continue to write. ❤ Love, Sandy

Pamela Tourigny

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